Is it possible to know too much? I wrote this line in the song, STAND AROUND & WATCH to be taken in the biblical sense. It’s also a play on the movie title. In the film, Jimmy Stewart knew too much of what the bad guys were up to-so much it almost gets him killed.

Ecclesiastes 1:18 states, “In much wisdom is much grief.” This refers to the amount of social, intellectual and spiritual awareness a person has and experiences opens them up to a deeper level of despair. This despair is rooted in the harsh reality of how lost, troubled, broken-or just plain nuts-other people are and how this has affected so many lives.

I find that when I communicate my perpetual sadness to other believers I am oft times met with a rebuke. “You should have peace!” “Where’s your joy?” “Sounds like Satan to me.” Yup, I’ve heard them all. But I’m the guy who wrote, (IT’S A) SAD CHRISTMAS to demonstrate the point of my darkness.

Yes, I call it darkness because it’s a bleak world view: I have viewed the world and it is bleak. My gosh, do we honestly think Jesus is doing somersaults for joy 24/7 in heaven as countless people suffer and die without ever knowing His grace and love?  Then why should I? Why should we for that matter?

I have an overall happy personality and a skip in my walk. I sing, dance and play dress-up for a living. I’m aware of how blessed I am. But I never let go of the fact that someone within an arm’s reach of me will go through life as their own god only to be eternally disappointed at the end of it.

My joy and peace are mere moments of respite from the righteous burden I feel for the unsaved but even more for their helpless Messiah, doomed to watch needless misery left in the hands of His people to solve and resolve.

Why don’t we do more? Is it that we’re just pleasure seekers, so wrapped up in our own gratification that we forget to suffer along with people? I’m amazed at how often I have been criticized for saying this but even more amazed at who is condemning me.  It’s never the hurt and afraid who combat me in my sackcloth and ashes moments. No, it’s the successful, comfortable, seemingly have it all together brethren.

Well, I know too much. I’m a convert. I know where I’ve been. I know what I’ve been spared and saved from.  And I have sought wisdom (which the Bible commands us to seek) and have gladly accepted the grief that comes along with it. The wisdom is worth it. The souls are worth it. The God who saved me is worth it.

And the grief fuels me. Grief and fear rooted in inexplicable love.  I know I’m blessed and as I get older I become less wise beyond my years but wise for my years. But grief, like wisdom, accumulates with age.

Bring it on. I can be happy (and selfish?) for eternity. For now, I simply quote Joshua 24:15…

“If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve… …but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

I may know too much, but now you know just a little bit more.

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